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Monday, August 15, 2005

please make me well

The thought rarely passes through my mind, but it did today. It nags at the back of my head sometimes, pulling and tugging on the little strings that control my actions. It makes me want to just keep walking instead of stopping and getting into my car. It makes me want to just stop working and sit... and sit... and sit... when I have too much work to do to be taking a break. It makes me want to bury my face in my hands and take deep breaths, inhaling the scent of my cold, yet nervously sweaty palms.

The thought? Maybe I need help. Maybe I do need drugs. Maybe I do have a real, legitimate, actual condition. Maybe there is something wrong with me. Maybe I am the big weirdo that I feel like I am when I'm around too many people. Maybe I am the kind of person that would do something stupid and unpredictable and unhealthy. Maybe I am that person that the look on his face and the tone of his voice said I was.

But then I stop. I get in my car. I snap out of it and get back to work. I lift my head out of my hands. My palms stop sweating.

And I move on.

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posted by Jennifer at 8/15/2005 09:54:00 PM



4 comments:
Blogger God said...

Jennifer,

While I know not if My words provide any comfort, but I think you're doing just fine. You're stopping to collect yourself and you're pressing ever onward.

Remember this always: I like you.

Everything else will care for itself. So it is said, so it shall be.

- G

8/18/2005 05:54:00 AM  



Blogger Jennifer said...

Glory be to the Father... and to the Son and to the Holy Ghost.

I'm glad to know you still like me, God. Sometimes, I wonder. :^)

World without end. Amen, amen.

8/19/2005 10:24:00 PM  



Blogger Penny said...

Inertia. A blessing or a curse?

I understand.

8/20/2005 12:42:00 AM  



Blogger Tickles_Tapeworm said...

You don't need drugs; you need Fudgesicles!!! :D

8/20/2005 12:59:00 AM  



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