Thursday, March 01, 2007

don't let it bring you down

Things I've been dismissing as irrational thought turn out to be totally rational sometimes. And then, they get angry with me for dismissing them. What else have I been dismissing?

It feels like I sorted through it all last night. I drug everything out, and put everything back. The more I dismiss it, the more it will hurt later if it turns out to be true. But I can't stand the thought or the process of validating anything else. I can't take the thought that it all could be true. All my random paranoid thoughts could be true. The smiles really are veils sometimes. I really am as disgusting as I feel. People do know things I don't and look at me as naive for that. People look at me and think, "You silly girl. You don't even know the half of it." I don't have all the facts. Never-mind that they were not given to me. The trouble is I never sought them out. I was wrong.

And no matter how I try to tell myself that it's okay and that everyone's wrong from time to time, the fact still remains that I hate it when I'm wrong. You're probably thinking I'm childish for that, and you're probably right. I hate that, too.

(Everything's okay. It's not as bad as it might sound. I'm just having a pity party, and it will pass once I sort it all out in my head.)

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posted by Jennifer at 3/01/2007 08:03:00 AM

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