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Friday, January 26, 2007

and I can die when I'm done

I found this site today, and I am intimidated.

Being a self-professed artist, a graphic designer, an illustration minor, you would think I would doodle. I do not. It scares me. Sometimes, rarely, at work I would doodle. Usually, it would be something similar to this. However, I could never bring myself to draw things in a sketch book. This is probably mostly due to my fear of filling up a book. I usually glue the pages of books together when I fill them, mostly because I grew too attached to the book over the years to throw it out, but I don't want to keep its contents around.

Today, at lunch, I briefly discussed one of my anxieties with Kathy. She was telling me how she made a trip to the store and ended up parking, shopping, and purchasing items in different places than she planned when she left home. I couldn't do that. When I go shopping by myself, I plan precisely where I will park, which store I will go in first, second, etc., what item(s) I will buy first, second, etc., and even what I will get if they don't have what I'm looking for. It jars me if I have to talk to a salesperson (without planning to), and I'll just leave sometimes if I can't easily find what I'm there for. And I always worry I'll run into someone I know. Even if it's pleasant to see them again, it jars me; it makes me anxious. I won't go shopping by myself unless I have to.

Which reminds me of the sketch book anxiety for some reason.

Maybe the fear of filling the pages is related to the same fear of finding something unanticipated or bumping into someone unexpectedly while shopping. None of these things I fear are unpleasant. Drawing is a beautiful thing. Finding great items while shopping is lovely. Seeing old friends is fun. But I fear them all.

I think I need to bust out my old sketchbook.

(But for some strange reason, I'm never afraid to write words in them.)

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posted by Jennifer at 1/26/2007 12:39:00 PM



4 comments:
Blogger Penny said...

I prefere to shop by myself, but other than that, we are the same person, Jen.

So strange.

1/27/2007 01:54:00 PM  



Blogger KELLI BELLY said...

I can relate with the anxiety. Especially if I'm by myself. If I have one of my kids with me, I'm ok. You'd think I'd want a break but it just doesn't feel right to be at Target or the grocery store without one of them. Call me CRAZY!

1/28/2007 05:53:00 PM  



Blogger Cait said...

i'll echo that we seem so similar. if we got together and combined our powers of timidity we could rule the world! or sit in a dark corner and stress over it anyway.

i vote for a sketchbook. i also vote for writing your deepest darkest secrets in said sketchbook. i also also vote for posting said deepest darkest secrets on your blog. deep dark secrets are goooooooooooood. i think i've had too much coffee this morning. btw, i too would like a review of your fancy epilady. your worth a thousand epiladies!

1/29/2007 07:45:00 AM  



Blogger Jennifer said...

Penny - We are cut from the same cloth... or at least cloth from the same rack. :^)

Kelli - That is kind of crazy. Crazy. hehehe (But really, I understand, though I have no kids.)

Caitlin - "Powers of Timidity." I like that. I like that a lot. I'll try to think of some deep, dark secrets worth sharing in the future...

1/29/2007 10:45:00 AM  



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