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Friday, December 29, 2006

without any fear

Yesterday, I awoke with stabbing pain in my lower right abdomen. I told myself if it persisted for over an hour, I'd call the doctor. An hour and a half later, I made the call.

I went in for the exam and listed off all my symptoms: the aforementioned stabbing pain, my period had started that morning almost a week late, and the lack of fever or nausea. They ran a pregnancy test just to be sure (despite my surgery last year), and they took a blood test, just to be extra sure. The doctor did an examination. They determined that I have an ovarian cyst. Not the scary kind, though... it should be gone by tomorrow morning.

So, yesterday, I rested. All day, I rested. And I read Go Ask Alice front to back. It's a short read (obviously). It was pretty good, aside from the Epilogue. Here are three excerpts:
This morning I looked out the window and saw new green popping through the soil and I started crying uncontrollably again. I don't really understand the resurrection. I can't even conceive how Gramps' body which will decay and sour and mold and mildew and fall into crumbling little bits can ever come back together again. But I can't understand how a brown dried-up, shriveled little gladiola bulb can reblossom either. I guess that God can put atoms and molecules and bodies together again if a gladiola bulb without even a brain can do it.

I truly must have lost my mind or at least control of it, for I have just tried to pray. I wanted to ask God to help me but I could utter only words, dark, useless words which fell on the floor beside me and rolled off into the corners and underneath the bed.

Everybody smokes here and the halls are filled with fumes and gray circling smoke, there isn't even anywhere for it to go. It seems as trapped and confused as the patients.
And since I couldn't manage to do much else yesterday, I took an online quiz thingy. This one was to determine my primary Love Language (based on the studies of Dr. Gary Chapman). Turns out, I've changed since I last read the book... I was never much of a Physical Touch kind of person until lately. Now, my usual Acts of Service is on par with Physical Touch. I'm getting more lovey and less cynical. It's a welcomed change.

My primary love languages are probably
Acts of Service and Physical Touch.

Complete set of results
Acts of Service: 8
Physical Touch: 8
Quality Time: 6
Receiving Gifts: 6
Words of Affirmation: 2

Information: Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others. Take the quiz

Today, I'm still resting and doped up. I'm so stir-crazy. But, hopefully, I'll be back to myself soon.

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posted by Jennifer at 12/29/2006 11:52:00 AM



3 comments:
Blogger Penny said...

I've taken the quiz - TDOW and I are so far from each other it's ridiculous - we're practically asian and olde english.

You know what I don't get?

Why do we speak the same language in the beginning??

1/01/2007 06:06:00 PM  



Anonymous Anita said...

Sorry to hear about the cyst ... I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you, and glad it's not "the scary kind"!

1/01/2007 06:14:00 PM  



Blogger Cait said...

stabbing pains are the opposite of fun. i hope all went well and your feeling better!

1/01/2007 07:40:00 PM  



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