Tuesday, January 18, 2005

funeral for a friend

This past Sunday, I went to my friend Bailor's funeral at my hometown church. Needless to say, I don't enjoy funerals. During the service, I either have to battle to hold back tears or just let it all loose. This was possibly the most people I've ever seen at a funeral. Mother and I sat in the balcony. I was fine through the first song we all sang and through Susie O'Mary's solo. Then, I started having thoughts of, "How will I feel when that's my father laying in the casket? What will people say about him to console me, my mother, and my brother?" As I felt the tears begin to puddle up in my eyes, I distracted myself from these thoughts by watching a moth throwing itself against one of the lights hanging from the ceiling. That worked. Then, my friend Beth played the flute, accompanied by the piano and organ, and despite the beautiful music, those persistent thoughts creeped in again. "Will I be alive for Beth's funeral? How many of my friends' funerals will I attend?" Agh! Stop it! Why do I do this? Then, the pastor began to recall the highlights of Bailor's life. He was truly a Good Man (deserving of those capital letters), and I will miss him dearly. Somehow, I managed not to let one tear escape through the service, though they welled up several times.

Speaking of funerals, my grandmother died this past November. Michael wrote a post about it, but I still haven't managed to do so myself. The emotions are still too fresh. Maybe I will post about it another day.

posted by Jennifer at 1/18/2005 03:18:00 PM

Blogger Vicky said...

I'm sorry about your grandmother :( I lost my Grandad in 2003, and still miss him... Sometimes you just can't post about these things, I understand what you mean.
Take care.

1/19/2005 03:29:00 PM  

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