Wednesday, March 28, 2007

life is very short

There once was a girl who thought she was right all the time. The boy she was with was weak and obviously in need of leadership, unable to make do on his own and still living with his mother. Money fell out of the boy's pockets when he walked. Faced with the potential for supporting this boy, she forced him to put money away. Faced with the potential of losing her hard-earned savings, she squirreled her money away.

The boy proposed marriage six months after meeting the girl. The girl had few options. The boy had already spoken with her father and bought a ring. Friends were present. To deny him this would be ending the relationship, and they had been through an ordeal in the preceding months. The boy had wanted other girls involved in their relationship. The boy had asked other girls to join into their union without her consent. They had been through this. The girl could not deny him then. She was trapped.

A week after the proposal and acceptance of said proposal, the boy was caught trying to arrange a rendezvous with another girl. The girl almost put her shoes on to leave. If the girl had just finished tying her shoes, this story would have been very different. The boy apologized. The boy swore he would change. The boy didn't. He just didn't tell anyone that part of the story, so it was okay.

The boy and girl continued living together in strife, the bickering and crying outweighing the laughs and smiles. The boy continued to pretend everything was fine. The girl continued to be blind to her options. The girl took off her ring for months. The boy tried to make her put it back on. Eventually, her will worn low, she wore it again. But, she decided if she wore it, she was going to follow through. They would be married.

They were married. Despite the girl's best efforts to organize everything, many things fell through the cracks. The boy decided buying a car two days prior to the marriage was more important than organizing the wedding. The money he promised to spend on paying off his school loans was spent instead on an impractical car. The honeymoon passed quickly, so to speak.

The girl fell out of love. The girl had not been in love in many years. The boy was too distracted to see this. The girl didn't know how to say this. Despite the boy's later denial of this, the boy didn't care. The boy was too absorbed in himself, his friends, and his bitterness toward life in general.

Seven years later, the girl fell in love. The new love absorbed her, and she let it. The girl had promises to keep with the boy, and she kept them. She was faithful by most standards. She kept her promise to move away from her home and her family. She uprooted herself, but found no nourishment for her roots in the new home. The girl could not pretend anymore. The girl could not live her life with this boy. She knew this, but she had been denying it for many years. The boy was oblivious. The boy yelled, fussed, slammed the car door, pushed the cat, and insulted her love one too many times. The girl had to choose quickly between a life of unhappiness with the boy or the potential for great happiness with the man.

In the end, the girl made a wise decision, for once in her life.

Good riddance to this girl. This girl has changed. This girl has grown. This girl is possibly not quite the woman she will be one day, but she is certainly not still the girl who thought she was right all the time. However, she was never malicious or unfaithful. Her only crime was pretending to be happy. The boy lusted; the girl followed her heart.

True friends remain by her side, but the boy's friends and family have not spoken to the girl since.

Good riddance to these people.

Good bye to these people.

Good wishes to these people.

Godspeed to the boy.

I honestly hope you follow your heart and choose happiness over practicality, lust, money, and the other temptations of life. (And a part of me still hopes you'll see one day that I did the same.)

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posted by Jennifer at 3/28/2007 08:49:00 AM

Anonymous The Tremulant said...

Do you ever run through the course of your average day, and get angry at someone who cuts you off in traffic, only to calm down a minute later, and think about the fact that they have a life of their own, and that you have absolutely no clue what goes on in it? Then you become overwhelmed at the idea that each and every person that you come into contact with every single day has a story of their own, and that it might be one you'd be interested in hearing? Reading this post reminds me of that, and makes me sad, but with a smile on my face that you're not in that place anymore. Thank you for sharing this, you're an amazing person, and it's really nice to have some insight into your life.

3/28/2007 10:24:00 AM  

Blogger Jennifer said...

Oh, I totally do that. It is overwhelming. When I was little, I used to be astounded by the amount of cars on the interstate, each of them going somewhere special.

Thank you for understanding and being impartial. I cry when I read your words, partly from happiness, and partly from being so overwhelmed that I am one of those people with my own story. My own story. Who would have thought? I need to revel in this instead of being intimidated by it.

3/28/2007 06:14:00 PM  

Blogger AKA said...

What a terrific, beautiful and honest piece of writing. Onwards!

3/28/2007 11:31:00 PM  

Blogger Penny said...

Perfect, Jen.

And, happy for you.

3/30/2007 12:53:00 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. Well, I have a lot to say about you, too. I guess we're all heroes in our own mind.

4/03/2007 12:14:00 AM  

Blogger Jennifer said...

Thanks, AKA and Penny! You are very encouraging...

To "Anonymous," I don't necessarily disagree. I've reached a point where I will admit my faults, mistakes, and regrets, as clearly as I will revel in my joys. It's not all about you; it's not all about me. Learn to share. :^)

4/03/2007 08:30:00 AM  

Anonymous b ingofdreams said...

Brave, truthful and poetic. Well written, Jen, and thanks for sharing.

And well done for getting yourself out of such a hopeless situation. Many don't, and live lives of daily regret and self-loathing.

One doesn't have to stay anywhere, really. There's always a way out.

4/03/2007 12:53:00 PM  

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