Thursday, January 27, 2005

public excretions

On my way into work this morning, I decided to make the trek across the Woodland Street Bridge rather than riding the shuttle. You see, I am too cheap to pay to park, so I park for free across the river from Downtown. Then, I sometimes opt to shell out $1 (or $20 for a monthly pass) to ride the shuttle bus across the bridge. Today, I was extra-thrifty and decided to walk the 0.8 miles to work.

It was a nice trek this morning, as it was pretty chilly, but the sun was out and shining. As I rounded the corner of the block at my building, I noticed the lady in front of me turning her head in disgust at a man in the usual smokers' corner. He had his back to the sidewalk, facing toward an inset corner of the building. I assumed he was a diligent smoker trying to light his cigarette in the corner, as I'd seen many people do in that corner. However, this man was not lighting a cigarette. As he turned away from the wall and quickly adjusted his pants, I noticed he'd been urinating in the corner. It covered the wall, and it was running down the sidewalk. The smell was nauseating. I'm glad it wasn't colder out, because if it'd been steamy, I probably would've puked.

Later, I decided to venture back outside to go by the Post Office. I took the elevator. On my way down, I noticed a puddle of spit on the nice, carpeted floor. I thought, "Surely, that's not spit. Who spits in an elevator?" Upon closer inspection, it really looked like spit... If it wasn't spit, I don't want to know what it was.

What is wrong with you people? Why can't you keep your saliva in your mouth? Why can't you find a more private place to urinate, if you can't at least find a toilet? Next thing you know, people will be changing their tampons on the sidewalk and defecating in the newspaper racks. It's a mad house! A MAD HOUSE!

posted by Jennifer at 1/27/2005 12:40:00 PM

Blogger The Kraken said...

Well if you saw me, why didn't you say hello? I was freezing my nuts off out there!

1/27/2005 06:59:00 PM  

Blogger The Tremulant Sings said...

LMAO! About five years ago, I went to the public library downtown to grab a few books. The library here is on an incredibly busy street, and has a rather large concrete sign out front. On my way in, I saw a man drop his pants all the way to his ankles, and proceed to piss all over the sign, front to back, side to side of all eight feet of the sign. I stopped in disbelief that everyone just ignored it. Less than 30 seconds later, he turned around, dong flopping, squatted, and began to "poop" on the sign. Everyone pretended noty to notice, except a COP who was walking by who started laughing. Yes, LAUGHING. I heard him mutter "I don't have to clean it up", and appear to be on his way. I lost it. Having just received a parking ticket a week earlier for being in a space for TWO MINUTES too long, I wernt off on the cop, fearing he'd end up on my case instead. I ended up forcing the cop to give the guy a ticket, and felt no better. I tried though.

1/27/2005 10:30:00 PM  

Blogger Jennifer said...

Ha! Dearest Michael, you are just too hilarious. One day, I will laugh so hard, I will self-destruct.

My first public urination encounter was in the parking lot of a used book/CD/movie store in my hometown, Chattanooga. I was proceeding to get in the passenger side of my friend's car, and I noticed the guy beside parked beside us on that side had his door open, so I couldn't get in on that side. Suddenly, a stream of urine shot out of the open door of the parked car from the man sitting in the driver's side seat. Seems like it would be a bit messy to urinate while seated in a car, but it seemed to float his boat. He looked at me, smiled, and said hello before closing his car door. What a gentleman. ha!

1/28/2005 07:58:00 AM  

Blogger Penny said...

This is the funniest post + comment section I have read in days. Thank-you for the much needed relief! LOL!!!

2/06/2005 09:14:00 PM  

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